Coping with the move into residential care

Submitted by Emma Hamilton on Sat, 24/09/2011 - 11:48am

Most people adjust to residential care after a few weeks with support from family.

The move into residential care is a major transition for all the family. Some people happily plan for their future and choose to move into an aged care home while others despite becoming increasingly frail prefer to remain at home.

When the move into an aged care home happens suddenly

Unfortunately many ageing people and their families are forced to look at residential care when there is a crisis. Making major decisions at already stressful times can exacerbate any feelings of loss of control over one's life, making the move into residential care more traumatic.

Families can be pressured into finding a suitable aged care home within a short period of time with limited choice. This can leave many adult children feeling guilty for "dumping a loved one in an aged care home".

When family disagree about an aged care home

The decision to place a loved one in residential aged care can create conflict amongst family members, especially if everyone doesn't agree on the move. Siblings often disagree on care arrangements, placing extra pressure on the family member making the decision.

Always try and think about an older family member's own values and preferences. Don’t make a decision based on what you would prefer for yourself.

It can help to have a family conference early on. Discuss with an older family member their plans and hopes for the future and talk about the issues together. These discussions can be difficult but they will help guide you when the time comes.

When a family member refuses to move into an aged care home

Although your motives may be well meaning, attempting to place a loved one into residential care against their wishes can also create much tension and family conflict. Some people will naturally resist if they think they are being "pushed into a nursing home".

Telling your parents that you are concerned with their wellbeing and pointing out why you are worried about them being at home by themselves can help. Be realistic of the dangers of a loved one being at home alone.

Try making decisions with your parent, not for them. Talk about the positives of moving into residential care and use the move as a solution to their problems.

Having someone intervene that is not emotionally connected to the family can help. Try talking to a social worker or aged care assessment team.

Introducing residential aged care slowly using respite care

Residential respite care is often a good way of introducing a loved one to the possible move to residential aged care. It allows a person and the family time to adjust to the changes such a move will bring.

Establishing relationships with staff and feeling comfortable in another environment can be an important step toward permanent residential care.

It is natural to feel a range of emotions when moving into residential care and everyone will react differently. Most people adapt well over time and see the positive in their given situation.

Coping with emotions about aged care homes

Carers need time to come to terms with the move to residential care and will have mixed feelings. It is important to seek out help of residential staff, counsellors and friends in similar situations for advice and moral support.

Expect to feel many emotions when a loved one enters an aged care home. These feelings are a natural reaction to loss. At times you may feel guilty, anxious, relieved or worried. If you are concerned about a family member, try calling an aged care home and express your concerns.

Who can help?

Talk with the Director of Nursing of an aged care home
Talk to friends that have been in similar circumstances
Call The Commonwealth Carer Resource Centres on 1800 242 636
Contact Carers Australia about The National Carer Counselling Programs on 1800 242 636 or visit www.carersaustralia.com.au

4 comments

myraM wrote 39 weeks 1 day ago

It breaks my heart knowing that my parents live on the other side of the city over 2 hours drive away. Dad has dementia due to his alcohol intake and mum is in denial. Dad is obsessive/compulsive and is very abusive thinking that everyone is out to get him, so we dont even visit him as this upsets him. Dad has so many falls and the ambulance people are called sometimes to help him although no breakages yet.I meet mum at least once a fortnight with shopping and she has cortico-basal syndrome.She still drives although she shouldnt but I cant talk her out of it. She refuses any type of help trying to be independent. Her car looks a mess with dents all over it I worry about her hitting someone. They refuse to get home help or go to a nursing home. Their home is a mess and I cant even come over to help clean up...... I would be so much happier if they were in a nursing home but I wont go above their wishes. I hope the local GP or ambos step in soon.

Sue wrote 41 weeks 2 hours ago None of the above

We are dealing with this issue now as my father-in-law is no longer able to live at home. Basically my mother-in-law is in complete denial that she can no longer care for him and he is constantly asking her when she will be taking him home. We, & the hospital, have explained and explained that it is not safe or possible for him to go home but they continue to believe that he will be allowed home soon. I am at my wits end with what to do as my mother-in-law phones constantly in tears saying she doesn't understand why he can't come home.

Last Will and Testament wrote 1 year 7 weeks ago

For any person of any age, moving to a new environment can be a traumatic experience. To my way of thinking, when one is of a certain age, and moving into a residential facility is a possibility, the family have an obligation to discuss this with the senior citizen in question.

rospat3066 wrote 2 years 12 weeks ago Parent

Having seen a number of elderly relatives, including my parent, struggle with remaining at home and maintaining a huge property, it is beyond me why you would not want to move to a nice facility where everything is done for you. I don't get it. Who wants to have to be negotiating with plumbers and mower men when you don't have to?
And why can't they see how frail they are getting, the bruises, the weight loss from not eating properly? They are happier to have some relative give up their livelihood and go onto a meagre pension so that they can remain in their decaying homes, which very often they expect the carer to physically maintain as well.
I have made the decision that once I am in my 60's I will regularly review my health with the assistance of my GP, and move into a low care facility while I am still fit enough to go on holidays and enjoy life, and not have to worry about maintenance.Then I can "age in place" as time goes by, and feel secure. I don't have children and if I did I would never want to force them to put themselves on the poverty line to look after me.

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