Sharing care of ageing parents

For most families the care of an ageing parent is shared. Ideally caring for a family member should bring siblings together. However, caregiving can create huge obstacles for families.

Usually one sibling takes on the role of main carer. This sibling may live closer than other siblings or volunteer to help care for a parent as they have fewer commitments.

This situation can work well for a period but over time carers can also feel overburdened with the responsibility of caring and become resentful of other siblings. Family members not involved in care can also feel left out and powerless to intervene.

Care of an ageing family member involves constant decision making. Carers have to make decisions regarding living arrangements, health care and treatment choices.

This can be very stressful for carers and disputes over care will  often divide many families.

When family cannot come to an agreement, help from a social worker or counsellor can ensure everyone gets a say including an ageing family member.

To provide quality care for an ageing family member siblings must unite and find a way that works best for them and their ageing parent.

 

Tips for sharing care of an ageing parent

• Discuss your feelings: Carers need to honestly and directly share their feelings. Let siblings know you are not coping and need help.
   
• Don't exclude a parent from decision making: Some carers can "take over" care of a parent. Respect a parents right to privacy and choice.
   
•  Have a family meeting: Keep siblings up to date on care arrangements via email, skype and family get togethers.
   
•  Seek professional help: Arrange for a social worker or counsellor to help resolve disputes.
   
• Delegate specific jobs: Give siblings specific tasks depending on their skills. Some siblings are better at finances than the practical aspects of caring.  
   
• Expect to have differences of opinion: Respect eachother's opinions. Think about your parent's values and preferences. 
   
• Arrange for help: Find out what services are available early on and have an emergency plan in place.
   
• Organise respite care: Get a break from caring with respite care or arrange for siblings to step in and go on a holiday.

Helpful resources

• Carers Australia provide support and counselling to carers around Australia. For information about The National Carers Counselling Program call 1800 242 636. 
   
• Contact an aged care assessment team (ACAT) at your local hospital to talk to a social worker.
   
• Ring your local council to find out what aged care services are available in your area or contact the Commonwealth Carelink Centre on 1800 052 222.

Related articles

• Carer stress and burnout
• Respite care- How to organise respite care and get a break from caring
  
• Caring conversations with ageing parents