Grief and loss: How to support a grieving parent

If you are caring for a parent who has lost a spouse it can be difficult to know how to help. Whilst coping with your own feelings of grief and loss you may find it hard to know how to comfort a surviving parent.

It's important to remind yourself that your experience of grief will be different. You may feel at a loss of what to say or fearful of saying the wrong thing. You could feel upset that your parent is moving on too soon or worried that they have lost all zest for life.

Throughout the grieving process tensions can arise as you struggle with your own feelings and those of a grieving parent. Try not to let these mixed emotions drive you apart.

If your parent has been busy caring for a sick spouse they may have delayed feelings of grief. Be patient, it's important you both have the space and time to mourn in your own way.

Special dates and events can trigger feelings of grief. Sometimes your parent may not want to celebrate birthdays or talk about old stories. Others may wish to do something special.

You may be feeling that the burden of caring for a surviving parent is too stressful for you at this time. Always seek outside help from friends and family and don't feel guilty about taking care of your own needs too.

Grief is exhausting. For some people it can exacerbate existing health conditions or make a person feel unwell. If you are a carer it's important to inform your doctor.

Things you can do:

• Allow a person time to share their feelings of loss, create an environment for listening
• Avoid saying "I know how you feel" or "you'll get over it"
• Try and help a person with everyday tasks, cook dinner or run errands
• Offer reassurance that feelings of grief are normal
• Ensure a parent gets enough sleep, nutrition and exercise
• Encourage a parent to keep in contact with friends, church groups and community organisations
• Encourage a parent to get regular health checks
• Hire a home care nurse to ease the load
   

Grief can affect our emotional and physical health. Whilst caring for a surviving parent it's just as important to take the time to look after yourself and express your feelings.

There is no real time limit for grief. Talking it over with friends or a support group can help. If you feel grief is overwhelming try talking to a professional counsellor. 

Related articles

• Caregiving: How to cope with caregiver guilt
• Caring conversations with ageing parents

References

American Hospice Foundation
Helping a grieving parent
Accessed 3/03/10