Caring conversations with ageing parents

Talking to an ageing family member about their health care needs and living situation is not always easy. Everyone's family dynamic is unique.

How well you communicate with an ageing parent depends on the relationship you have with your parent along with their physical and mental health.

Putting off or avoiding complex conversations can make matters worse and carers can miss out on an opportunity for forming a close bond with their parents and ultimately acting in their parent's best interests.

In most cases there's usually one sibling that takes on the responsibility of caring for ageing parents. This can be overwhelming for many carers and too often carers avoid difficult conversations and wait until a crisis occurs.

Siblings can also have different ideas about caregiving and what's best for a parent. Fights often occur between siblings regarding money, care and property. In this situation relationships can quickly unravel. 

Seeking professional help from an aged care professional such as a social worker can ease the stress of decision making and help prevent family conflict.
 

 
Tips for talking to ageing parents

• Be direct but not confrontational- Acknowledge your parent's concerns, thoughts and feelings.
   
• Share your own thoughts - Communicate how a situation makes you feel. Avoid any blame.
   
•  Pick the right time - Start a conversation when your parent is most alert and you are not tired or emotional. Above all be patient and don't expect decisions to be made immediately.
   
• Involve the whole family - Discuss matters with the whole family but let your parents feel they have control over a conversation.
   
• Don't tell your parent what to do- Discuss how you can tackle decisions and find solutions together. 

•  Acknowledge different values-  Your parents will have different ideas about how they would like to live and what makes for quality of life based on their own values.
   
•  Respect your parent's privacy- Unless a parent is at risk of abuse or in danger don't force your parents to discuss private matters such as intimate relations.

Related articles

• Sharing care of ageing parents
• Respite care- How to organise respite care and get a break from caring