Caregiving: How to cope with caregiver guilt
As a caregiver you may be experiencing ongoing feelings of anxiety and guilt. Unless you learn to tackle these feelings from the beginning you could be at risk of caregiver stress and depression.
Caregiving will take up a lot of your time. It can be difficult to juggle caregiving with the demands of your own family, work and social life.
Don't feel surprised if at times you feel a mixture of anxiety, resentment and guilt. These feelings are a normal part of the caregiving role.
Why do I feel so guilty?
We all want what is best for an ageing parent. Feelings of guilt often surface when we fail to live up to expectations we place on ourselves or the expectations of others.
Sometimes guilt can make us examine our behaviour and do things better. Most often carers feel they don't do enough. If we allow guilt to take over it can be detrimental. Guilt can govern our actions and affect our decision making.
At times your loved one could need more care than you are capable of providing. Sometimes they will not want your help.This can be difficult to come to terms with.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Many carers routinely berate themselves for not doing enough or feel guilty thinking they could have done things differently. Carers are even known to feel bad about feeling happy!
Everyone's situation will be unique. Keep in mind that there is only so much you can do to help a loved one. Recognising your limitations and having realistic ideas about the type and amount of caregiving you can provide will help you overcome feelings of anxiety and guilt.
Tips for coping with caregiver guilt
Many carers feel guilty for focusing on their own needs before an ailing parent. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Paying attention to your own physical and emotional health and adopting a more positive attitude is an important step toward dealing with caregiver guilt.
To combat the stress of caregiving and cope with caregiver guilt follow these tips:
Recognise your feelings: Firstly give yourself permission to feel angry, upset or guilty. Try and understand the cause of mixed emotions. Are you angry that caregiving is taking you away from spending time with family? Are you afraid of losing a parent? Is there anything you can do to change the situation?
Learn to look after your own needs: Are you resentful because you have an unmet need? Are your siblings helping you enough? Recognise that you have your own needs. Allowing your needs to remain unfulfilled will lead to frustration, anger and depression.
Pay attention to your body: Eat well, exercise and get enough sleep! Don't forget to keep track of your own health checkups. See your doctor if you experience insomnia or depression, they could be signs of stress.
Organise community care services: Make sure you organise help from aged care community care services early on. Your parent could be entitled to help at home with personal hygiene, shopping, medications and household chores.
Enjoy time with friends: Socialising is essential to our wellbeing. Sharing your thoughts and having a laugh with friends will prevent feelings from bottling up. Schedule time with friends, go out to the movies and accept invitations when they come.
Organise respite care: Taking regular breaks from caring is essential. Don't wait until a crisis event! You can organise weekly respite care at home or in a day care centre. Respite care at an aged care home allows you to go on holiday for an extend period knowing a loved one is well cared for. Make use of volunteers in your local area. Many volunteer organisations take older people out for the day, to the movies or entertain them at home.
Ask for and accept help from family and friends: Most people want to help but don't know how. Discuss with family and friends how they may be able to help. It could be taking a parent out for lunch, doing the shopping or helping with finances.
Be organised: Every caregiver needs a back up plan. Keep a record of essential aged care numbers, service providers and your parent's details in case of an emergency or if anything happens to you. Talking over sensitive subjects before a medical emergency will ensure your parent's wishes are fulfilled and help ease any family tensions.
Hold regular family meetings: Are your siblings pulling their weight? Let siblings know when you are feeling stressed and need a break. Take the time to talk to your family about how they feel about your caregiving role. Are you spending enough time with your partner? Is your parent happy in the current situation? How do your kids feel about your role as a caregiver?
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