Supporting male caregivers

Whilst the majority of our caregivers are women. Male caregivers account for a large part of the caregiver population. In the future the number of male carers looking after a spouse with dementia is predicted to grow.

Research into the caregiving strategies of men and women suggests men tend to approach caregiving in a more practical manner than female carers. Men tend to view the carer role as a job and made use of more practical problem-focused strategies such as seeking out respite care and getting help with housework. Women carers tended to seek the emotional support of others.

Whilst this strategy may help with the day to day tasks of caregiving, ignoring the emotional strain of caregiving can be devastating. Recent studies have found that many male caregivers are depressed or at risk of depression.

Caregiver Paula isn't surprised. Her mum has dementia and is cared for at home by her elderly father who has health problems of his own. Arranging home help was not easy recalls Paula. "I had to be very careful the way I approached the situation," says Paula. "He really took offence when I commented that he should get home help. As if he wasn't doing a good job."

Paula tried to convince him to join the local support group but he was reluctant. "I guess pride set in, he wasn't interested in sitting around talking to other people about his problems he'd prefer to take a day off and go fishing. I do worry he's depressed but he's stoic, it's a generational thing."

On the days that she does convince him to take a break Paula takes the time to clean the house, stock the fridge and do some washing. "I kind of sneak in and help out when he's not there. It's really the only way to get an idea of what's happening at home. He denies mum has a problem with incontinence yet I've seen piles of wet clothes hidden in drawers and things stashed in strange places."

Paulas taken a softly softly approach that has seen her father accept more home help over time. An approach that seems to have made him happier. "I'd say to anyone who's father is a caregiver not to charge in and take over, they'll end up resisting your help. Take small steps. The nurse that visits mum every week is a godsend. Just for the casual banter and laughs she has with dad, even though she's there to help mum I think he really benefits. It took a long time for him to feel happy about a stranger coming to the house but I swear if you asked him now he couldn't do without her,"says Paula.