Death and dying- when a loved one slips away

We would all like to think that when a loved one is dying we would be there at that crucial moment, holding their hand helping them quietly leave the world.

Our will to live or die is amazingly strong. In my experience it's not uncommon for a dying person to seem to have an uncanny power over the timing of their death.

Working in aged care I've seen many dying residents linger on the brink of death waiting for a loved one to appear, sometimes from overseas, only to relax and die in peace soon after their loved one's arrival. As if they were waiting for their last opportunity to say goodbye and pass away in peace.

I've also seen many carers wait by the bedside of a dying relative for days on end and finally when they take a break and decide to leave the room the resident spontaneously passes away. To a carer this experience can be extremely traumatic. Carers can feel overwhelmed with feelings of anger and guilt compounding a carer's sense of loss and grief.

Being by a loved one's side when they pass away can help us have some kind of closure and move on after a loved one passes away. But what about those people facing the mystery of death?. Perhaps it's just too distressing for a dying person to witness a loved one's grief that they exert such will power that they wait until they leave the room before quietly slipping away.