Dad won't accept help or consider nursing home
My father is caring for mum at home. She has worsening dementia. I feel (along with siblings) that she would be better cared for in a nursing home. Dad has bad arthritis he has to take her to the toilet and she is incontinent at night. He gets angry with her as she follows him around most of the day. We tried a day centre to give him a break but she didn't want to stay. When we suggest he should get help he won't talk about it. I called the ACAT but they said they didn't think she sounded like she needed nursing home care yet? She needs constant help in our opinion. Any suggestions would help. Thanks.
It can be difficult for many people to accept help. Your father may feel that you think he is not doing a good enough job. Caring for someone at home with advancing dementia is very demanding especially if your father has his own health problems but it may be a job that gives him meaning and satisfaction. It's important you and your siblings try not to take over the situation but support your dad and his decisions (unless your mother is at risk of harm). Introducing care slowly by way of respite or having a carer come and help out one day a week will give your dad a break and get him used to accepting help. There are many volunteers who will take your mother out for activities just for the day. Try talking to your GP about organising an ACAT assessment. In the meantime investigate all your options in case in the future you need to arrange residential care. Unfortunately many caregivers wait until a crisis occurs before making a decision so if you know your options early on you will at least know what to do. Involving your father in these conversations is equally important as it gives him a sense of independence and control. Try asking your father what you should do for your mum in case something happens to him. There are many aged care services that help people with dementia stay at home for longer. Call The Commonwealth Respite and Carelink Centre on 1800 052 222 to find out what services are available in your area and if your mother is eligible for a Community Aged Care Package (CACP). A Dementia Advisory Service in your area could also help.